Sponge & Spongier
by SeaShellEyes09
Summary: Spongebob Dumb & Dumber crossover Note: the site have removed the stars * that I had around the captions in this story, so it looks confusing and dumb, but I'm not gonna fix it. Too lazy lol
1. Adlantac

A/N: What can I say, I love Dumb&Dumber and Spongebob so I thought I'd combine the two and this is what I came up with. Its a lot like the movie,only the plot is a little different and its Spongebob and Patrick instead of Jim Carry and Jeff Daniels. I own nothing but the plot. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) )(((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))((((  
  
Cast: Spongebob: Loyd  
  
Patrick: Harry  
  
Pearl: Mary Swanson  
  
*******************************************  
  
(Two mean looking fish, a male and female, aproach Patrick's house. They knock a couple times.)  
  
Marley(female): This the place?  
  
Butch: I'm pretty sure I saw im' go into this one.  
  
Marley: So why aint they answerin?  
  
Butch: I dunno. Maybe they're onto us. *He swings Patrick's rock open and crawls under. Marley fallows.*  
  
Marley: He's gone. And he took the briefcase with them.  
  
Butch: Yeah. Hey maybe we should trash the place,send im' a lil message.  
  
Marley: *looking around* I don't think he's gonna get that message. I mean the guy's furniture is made out of sand.  
  
(Gary the snail crawls out form under the sand-couch.)  
  
Gary: Mew!  
  
Butch: Nah. I got a better idea. *walking towards Gary* I twat I taw a puddy tat...  
  
A/N: Gary fans,I'm sorry to do this to him! But you know how it is....  
  
*Spongebob and Patrick get out of their van which is dressed like a goldfish. They walk towards their house,which Spongebob now lives in aswell because he was evicted form his pineapple.*  
  
Patrick: I can't believe it. We've searched all of Bikini bottom and there are no jobs.  
  
Spongebob: Yeah,unless you wanna work 40 hours a week! Dahaha!  
  
Patrick: I can't believe we both lost our jobs on the same day. I should have never stopped at Sandy's house with those guppies in the back. They were supose to be groomed and sent to the fish show. How was I supose to knwo they wouldn't survive in an air-ventalated dome?  
  
Spongeob: Yeah. And Limbo Services? They sure don't like it when you leave the scene of an accident. I did meet a really pretty whale today.  
  
Patrick: Really? Is that why you're carrying aroud that breifcase?  
  
Spongebob: Oh this? She left it at the airport.  
  
Patrick: Whats in it?  
  
Spongebob: Patrick,what kind of sponge would I be to go looting around in other people's stuff?  
  
Patrick: Is it locked?  
  
Spongebob: Yeah,really good too.  
  
*They reach Patrick's house.*  
  
Spongebob: Hey,I'm gonna go to the store.  
  
Patrick: Ok,but just get the bare essensials, thats the last of our money.  
  
Spongebob: I know Patrick. Don't worry.  
  
(Spongebob is now walking behind a convienent store. He's wearing a huge cowboy hat and carrying a box full of junk such as a pellet gun, a statue of Elvis, a yo-yo,sunglasses and lots of other unessesary stuff. He notices a gumball machine and sets down his stuff to reach into his wallet for a quarter. Smiling,he puts a quarter in the coin slot and turns the crank. His smile soon turns to a look of confusion when nothing comes out of the machine. He turns the crank several times untill he become's angry and kick's the machine. Nothing happens at first,but then hundreds of colored gumballs pour out untill he's up to his knees in them.)  
  
Spongebob: *face turning red with anger* Grrr! *gasps* My wallet! Where's it go? *Starts digging through the gumballs*  
  
(An old woman fish with a cane is slowley passing by. A green gumball bounces off her head.)  
  
Old Woman; Ouch!  
  
Spongebob: Sorry ma'me. Now,where is it? I know its in here somewhere,its gotta be...  
  
(The woman looks annoyed,but keeps walking untill she slips on another gumball and falls on her ass. Spongebob doesn't seem to take notice.)  
  
Old Woman: Why of all the nerve! *notices Spongebob's wallet and box of things lying on the ground. She glances back at him before picking it up and slowley walking away.*  
  
(Spongebob in now prancing down the street blowing huge pink bubbles which are carrying him a few feet from the ground,popping and returning him to ground level. He's in an unusually good mood.)  
  
Spongebob: *blows bubble* Dahahaha! *blows bubble* Dahahaha!  
  
(Patrick is sitting on his couch looking depressed. He hears Spongebob coming down the street but doesn't seem to care.)  
  
(Rock swings open as Spongebob enters and it swings close again.)  
  
Spongebob: Hey Patrick,watch this. *blows bubble*  
  
Patrick: Where's the booze?  
  
Spongebob: *bubble pops* Oh...Uhh, ya see.  
  
Patrick: You lost the money,didn't you?  
  
Spongebob: *drops to his knees and starts crying* Oh Patrick! I got robbed by a little old lady!  
  
Patrick: Ohhhh,  
  
Spongebob: *stops crying* Cheer up pal. It'll be allright. Its not like I had much in that wallet anyways.  
  
Patrick: Its not that Spongebob. Its...Its...Gary!  
  
Spongebob: Gary? what about him?  
  
Patrick: He's dead.  
  
Spongebob: *gasps* G...Gary?  
  
Patrick: His head fell off. I'm sorry Spongebob.  
  
Spongebob:*confused* His head fell off??  
  
Patrick: Yeah, it was getting pretty old.  
  
Spongebob: Thats it. I have had it with this place! I say we leave town and go somewhere else. Someplace nice...like th Altalntic ocean.  
  
Patrick: *hesitates* Wait a minute. *gets to his feet* wait a minute,I know what your up to Mister. You wanna go to the Atlantic ocean to see that whale that went there to give her her briefcase and you need me to drive you. Right? right? am I right Spongebob? am I right?  
  
Spongebob: Yeah,so! yeah,SO!  
  
Patrick: Well just forget it! I don't wanna do it. I say we stay here and look for jobs. I don't know about you but I am sick and tired of running from preditors.  
  
Spongebob: Well you wanna know what I'm sick and tired of Patrick? I'm sick an tired of having to eat my way through life. I'm sick and tired of being a nobody. and most of all.....I'm sick and tired of being a sponge!  
  
Patrick: Huh?  
  
Spongebob: Yeah! you try being a sponge and drinking milk, or taking a bath. And everytime there's a mess tobe cleaned up who do they call? The sponge!  
  
Patrick: Ok Spongebob. Atlantic it is. 


	2. The Truckstop Cafe'

(Butch and Marley are back at Patrick's house. There's a note pinned to the outside of the rock. Butch picks it up. It says:  
  
Deer frends I and spongbob have moovd to the Adlantac oshone. Well miss you all verry mush. Luv Patrick. P.S. Gasman, sary abowt the mony.)  
  
Butch: How the hell do they know I got gas?  
  
Marley: I bet they've been fallowing us.  
  
Butch: Yeah, but looks like the tables have turned now. They can't run from us, they aint never gettin to the Atlantic.  
  
(Meanwhile,Spongebob and Patrick are driving down the highway. Spongebob is eating some chips while Patrick drives.)  
  
Patrick: Where'd you get those?  
  
Spongebob: I bought them when we filled up.  
  
Patrick: With what money?  
  
Spongebob: Don't worry, I was able to raise $25 before we left?  
  
Patrick: Where'd you get $25?  
  
Spongebob: Ohh...ya know, I sold some stuff.  
  
Patrick: Like....  
  
Spongebob: Ohh,just some old junk. Baseballcards, a yo-yo, my old jellyfish net. *coughs* Gary.  
  
Patrick: You sold Gary? Your dead snail? To who?  
  
Spongebob: Billy in 4-C  
  
Patrick: The blind kid?  
  
Spongebob: Dahahaha! yeah.  
  
Patrick: Spongebob, Gary didn't have a head.  
  
Spongebob: Yeah he did, it was just disconnected form his body. But don't worry, its all taken care of.  
  
(A little blind fish is sitting on a bench petting Gary, who's head has been reatatched by duct tape.)  
  
Billy: Aww,nice kitty. Yes you are,such a quiet nice kitty. Nice kitty.  
  
(People stare at him.)  
  
(Pat and Bob are have now stopped at a truck stop for lunch and are waiting inside for their food to arrive.)  
  
Spongebob: Hmm, this place is much cleaner than the Krusty Krabb.  
  
Patrick: Yeah, just a bit noisier though.  
  
Spongebob: Well thats ok. Its the sound of good service. *in a Mr.Krabb-ish voice* which means new costumers...with fresh money! Dahaha! Mr.Krabbs use to say that. Untill his business got shut down for poor sanitation and he moved to the Atlantic. Hey Patrick...we're moving to the Atlantic! Maybe we'll see him there!  
  
Patrick: Yeah,maybe.  
  
(A waitress sets two burgers on the table in front of them and returns to the kitchen.)  
  
(They start to eat untill Spongebob gasps.)  
  
Spongebob: Patrick...  
  
Patrick: What is it?  
  
Spongebob: Your patty is undercooked! Do you know what that means?  
  
Patrick: Uhh...the cow isn't dead yet?  
  
Spongebob: No,Patrick! Its much more serious than that. You see,in the food safe coarce,one of the first things they teach you is not to undercook the meat. If someone eats an undercooked patty, they will be cursed forever and ever for at least 7 years!  
  
Patrick: *tosses patty over his shoulder.* Ok ok, I only wanted the pickle anyways.  
  
Sea-bass: What the hell? Who's the dead man who hit me with this hunk of meat?  
  
( A very big redneck bass gets up and comes to their table.)  
  
Spongebob: *standing up* Excuse me, but its not a 'hunk of meat'. It is a well made Krabby Patty, or as you folks may know it as, a Ham-burger. Of coarce I don't know why its called a hamburger, theirs no ham in it....*Sea- bass pushes him back down in his seat.* o-or we could sit down. Whatever floats your boat.  
  
Sea-bass: *shoves the patty in Spongebob's face.* So you think this is funny eh?  
  
Spongebob: Uh...w-well you see...  
  
Patrick: It was me sir. I threw the patty. B-but not on purpose! believe me, I would never do anything to offend a man of your size.  
  
Sea-bass's friend: Kick his ass,Sea-bass!  
  
Sea-Bass: *Noticing the remains of Patrick's burger.* You gonna eat that?  
  
Patrick: Uhh, yes...I mean no, well yeah it uhh it crossed my mind.  
  
(Sea-bass lifts the bun and hawks a big green loogie on it before returning to his seat.)  
  
( A few minutes later, SB and Pat are finishing their meals. The waitress had brought Patrick a new burger.)  
  
Spongebob: You really wussed out Patrick.  
  
Patrick: Well so did you, Mr.Whateverfloatsyourboat!  
  
Spongebob: Wait a sec, I think I just...Yeah I just had an idea.  
  
Patrick: Did it hurt?  
  
Spongebob: *ignoring him* Fallow me.  
  
(They go to the back of the resturaunt to Sea-Bass's table.)  
  
Spongebob: Scuse me fellas,  
  
Sea-Bass: What the hell do you want?  
  
Spongebob: Well, we were just feeling kinda bad about throwing a patty at you so we were wondering if we could just buy you guys a round of beers to bury the hatchet.  
  
Sea-Bass: Make it four boiler-makers.  
  
Spongebob: Whatever you want sir, I'll have the waitress bring it over immiedetley.  
  
(They walk away.)  
  
Patrick: *Whispering* Spongebob,what are you doing? We can't afford to buy them drinks!  
  
Spongebob: *While Patrick is talking* Shh! sh! sh!  
  
(They casually approach the front desk. Spongebob leans in to the waitress at the cashier.)  
  
Spongebob: Hi, uhh Sea-Bass and the fellas offered to pick up our tab.  
  
Waitress: *looks suspicious* Sea-Bass said that?  
  
Spongebob: Well,If that guy over there is Sea-Bass,then yes.  
  
(Sea-Bass raises his fin to identify him and the other 3 fish he's sitting with.)  
  
Waitress: *shruggs* If thats what he wants.  
  
Patrick: *grabbing anything at the till that he can* Put these on there too ok?  
  
Waitress: Sure.  
  
(SB and Pat are now in their van going full speed down the highway laughing.)  
  
Patrick: Uh huh huh huh huh!  
  
Spongebob: Dahahahahaha!  
  
Patrick: You're a geunius! Where did you think of that?  
  
Spongebob: I saw it in a movie once. The guy made some other guy pick up his tab and floored it. Then they catch up to him about halfway down the road and slit his throat. Dahahaha! It was a good movie.  
  
(Patrick looks petrified.) 


	3. Butch and the Atomic Peppers

A/N: I have to include this because its my favorite part! or one of them:  
  
Butch in the phone booth talking to Planktin,who on the other line,is standing on a pile of chairs and phone books the reach the phone. A man is impatiantley pacing outside the booth talking to himself.  
  
Man: You know there are other people waiting sir, your not the only one who would like to use the phone tonight....  
  
Planktin: I need that recipe Butch.  
  
Butch: I know boss, I'm on it.  
  
Man: *In background* I'd sure like to use the phone sometime tonight...  
  
Planktin: Finally Chum Bucket will be better than Krabby Patty's and then, I shale rule the word! *lightning* Mwahahahaha! *pause* that is of coarse, if you can get the recipe.  
  
Butch: Don't worry, I'm fallowing our boys to the Atlantic. Soon as I drop a little rat poisoning in there Shirley Temples,you'll have your recipe.  
  
Man: Sir,have you ever considered the concept of other people? Me,being that.  
  
(Butch turns his back)  
  
Man: Oh, he turned his back on me. Ohohoho!....  
  
Planktin: I like it, I like it. So after you ditch the bodies, that recipe is mine.  
  
Butch: Don't worry about that bo-  
  
Man: *overlapping his voice by pounding on the glass.* It is time, to get off, the phone,and let others,who have been waiting,and waiting,and waiting,  
  
(Butch finally gives the man his attention.)  
  
Man: Get off the phone.  
  
(Butch motions him closer. The man moves so close his nose is nearly toucing the glass.)  
  
Man: Get off the...*Butch punches him and breaks not only his nose,but the glass of the phone booth*  
  
Butch: Anyways Planktin, I'll have it in a few days.  
  
(A/N: Dahahahahaha! *rewindz it over and over and over* Ehem...I'm ok.)  
  
(Butch and Marley are on the side of the road,thier boat is parked in the ditch with the hood up making it look like it's broke down..)  
  
Butch: Now remember the plan Marley, you hide in the boat,and when they pick me up, you fallow us.  
  
Marley: Yeah,yeah. I know what I'm doin'.*gets in the boat*  
  
Butch: Here they come,get down. *sticks out his thumb and smiles.*  
  
(The goldfish van speeds past,slams on the breaks and backs up to where Butch is standing,almost backing him over. Spongebob rolls down the window.)  
  
Butch: Hi there,could you fellas give me a lift? My boat just broke down and I'm late for a meeting.  
  
Spongebob: Sure,there's plenty of room. Hop in.  
  
Butch: thanks guys. Much appreciated. *looks back at the boat before getting in the van.*  
  
(Butch is sitting between SB and Pat.)  
  
Spongebob:*hits Patrick.* Your it. Dahaha!  
  
Patrick: Uh huh huh! *hits Spongebob* Your it!  
  
Spongebob:*hits Patrick* You're it!  
  
Patrick: Your it double stamped no erasies.  
  
Spongebob: Your it,triple stamped no erasies!  
  
Patrick: You can't do that! You can't triple stamp a double stamp!  
  
Spongebob: Can to  
  
Patrick: Can not!  
  
Spongebob: Can to,  
  
Patrick: Can not!  
  
Spongebob: Just did.  
  
Patrick: Shut up!  
  
Butch: Both of you shut up! I mean, couldn't we just listen to the radio or something?  
  
Spongebob: Radio? who needs the radio. Ready Patrick?....Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?  
  
Patrick: Spongebob Squarepants!  
  
(As they continue singing, Butch is taking a revolver out of his jacket.)  
  
Patrick: Hey Spongebob,there's some more people who want a ride.  
  
(Theres a family of Mexicans on the side of the road with alot of luggage.)  
  
Spongebob: Pick 'em up!  
  
(Inside the van)  
  
SB&Pat: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?  
  
Mexicans: Spongebob Sqarepants!  
  
(Spongebob,Patrick and Butch are now in a resturant eating burgers.)  
  
Patrick: Would you like an atomic pepper Mr.Morris?  
  
Butch: Nah,you guys go ahead.  
  
Patrick: Allright, Spongebob goes first!  
  
Spongebob: What?? No way, you go first Patrick!  
  
Patrick: No,you!  
  
Spongebob: No,you!  
  
Butch: Why don't you both stop beig a couple of pussies and go at the same time?  
  
Patrick: Sounds like a dare, Spongebob.  
  
Butch: Its a double dare.  
  
(Both Spongebob and Patrick select a red atomic pepper from the jar,put it in their mouths and chew. They seem pretty calm.)  
  
Patrick: Meh, its not so bad.  
  
Spongebob: More tingley than hot.  
  
(At the same time,they both spit out the peppers. Smoke shoots out of Spongebob's spores and Patrick turns alot redder than usual. They cough and gag like theirs no tommorow. Patrick picks up a mustard and ketchup bottle and squirts it in his mouth.)  
  
Patrick: Here Spongebob,this helps.  
  
(In a panick,Spongebob grabs the two bottles. They shoot straight up into his eyes.)  
  
Spongebob: Ahhhhhhhhhh!!! My eyes are burning! My mouth is burning! Ahhhhhhhhhh! *runs around the resturant untill he finds a waitress carrying a pot of coffee which he dumps on himself.* Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!* runs around somemore* Ow ow ow ow ow ow!!! It burns! It burns! Everthing burns! Call 911! Do something!  
  
Waitress: Uh..sir? That coffee was like 3-days old. It wasn't even hot.  
  
Spongebob:*skids to a stop.* It wasn't?  
  
(The waitress shakes her head.)  
  
Spongebob: Dahahaha! Dahahaha! Dahahaha!  
  
Butch: *sighs* I'm gonna make a quick phone call. Enjoy your meals,ladies. *leaves*  
  
Butch: *on a payphone* Planktiff? Its Butch. Listen, I've got our boys right where we need 'em. Its a matter of hours before you get that recipe. *holds a black film-container.*  
  
Planktiff: Good work Butch. Remind me to give you a raise. Mwhahahahaha!  
  
(Meanwhile in the resturant, Spongebob and Patrick are sneaking an atomic pepper under Butch's hamburger patty.)  
  
Patrick: Here he comes. Shh. *they start to eat there own burgers.*  
  
Butch:*sitting down.* Feeling better girls?  
  
Spongebob: Oh ya, we're fine.  
  
Butch: Good. So uh, why ya goin to the Atlanitc? Got family there?  
  
Spongebob: Why don't you eat up and we'll tell ya. *tries not to laugh*  
  
Butch: Well it just doesn't seem like you packed much. All I saw was a bag and a briefcase.  
  
Patrick: Oh well the briefcase isn't even ours,some whale left it at the airport,we're just bringing it back to her. How's your burger? *also tries not to laugh.*  
  
Butch; So...you don't even know her?  
  
(They shake their heads.)  
  
Butch: *laughing* Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Hahahaha! *takes a bite of his burger. His face turns red like Patrick's did and he falls backwards off his stool.)  
  
(SB and Pat point and laugh.)  
  
Spongebob: Dahahahahahahahaha!  
  
Patrick: Uh huh huh huh huh! *notices Butch is gasping for air like he's out of water.* Are you ok? It was just a goof.  
  
Butch: Oww! My alser! quick,get my pills.  
  
Patrick: I'll get the pills. *leaves*  
  
Waitress: Maybe we should call an ambulance.  
  
Spongebob: Don't worry, I know CPR.*bends Butch's tail* out with the bad air,in with the good. out with the bad air....*hits the window bringing down the blinds with him. Then he attempts to give him CPR,but he pushes him away.*  
  
Spongebob: It'd be alot easier if you just lie back.  
  
Patrick: I found the pills! *Dumps a few in Butch's mouth.* There you go,pills are good.  
  
Spongebob: Want some ketchup and mustard? It helped us.  
  
(Butch seems calm untill he notices the 'pills' Patrick is holding is really the film container.)  
  
Butch: Son of a bitch! *dies*  
  
Spongebob: *gasps* Patrick....he's,he's dead.  
  
Patrick: Uh oh. *to the waitress* Check, please. 


	4. Who's the dumb one now?

A/N: From now on, I'm gonna call Spongebob and Patrick SB and Pat. Sorry, you just get tired of typing out the main character's names after a while :- s @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ (SB and Pat are driving the van away from the resturant. They both look upset.)  
  
Pat: I can't believe it....  
  
SB: Life's a fragile thing Patrick. One minute your munching on a juicy Krabby Patty, next your sushi. Of coarce, you and I never have to worry about becoming sushi.  
  
Patrick: uh, I dunno Spongebob. When those japenese people get hungry, they'll eat anything.  
  
( A doctor at the resturant pulls a sheet over Butch's dead body. Two investigaters are talking to each other.)  
  
Dt.Dale: You mean he was poisoned?  
  
Cop: Definatley,we found these by the body. *holds up the black container,now in an plastic evidence bag.*  
  
Dt.Dale: hmm. Well, did you find out where they were going?  
  
Cop: Um, they've been recently spotted on the highway heading towards the Atlantic.  
  
Dt Dale: *smiles* Good, did you get a make on the vehicle?  
  
Cop: Yes, *checks his clipboard.* They're driving and 84,uh, goldfish.  
  
*Dt. Dale looks confused*  
  
(the Fish Van is driving down the highway. its night now.)  
  
Pat: *yawns* hey what do you say we cash in for the night?  
  
SB: *shakes head* Sorry Patrick, We don't have enough dough to get a hotel room.  
  
Pat: *a little annoyed* What? what did you waste it on this time? It better not be another pet rock.  
  
SB: Nope, the one I bought seems to be doing fine. *he pets a large rock with a swirl drawn on the back of it like a shell and a happy face. He kisses it.* Goodnight Gary II. *sets it back down*  
  
Pat: So what did you buy?  
  
SB: I picked up Mr.Chili Pepper's tab. Figured it was the least we could do for deep frying him.  
  
Pat: A burger brought us over budget?  
  
SB: Yeah, the pig ordered a double bacon and a chocolate shake.  
  
Pat: *sighs* Great...Now what do we do?  
  
SB: Well, we only got about 15 hours of driving left,we can just take shifts.  
  
Pat: Spongebob,you don't have a licence. And we both know how dangerous you can be behind the wheel.  
  
SB: Don't worry Patrick, I'm not that bad. And look around, there's no cops around here.  
  
Pat; Allright, but if we crash I'll know its a sign.  
  
* The cops have made a blockage in the road with their boats.*  
  
Dt.Dale: Any sign of them?  
  
Cop: No sir, but they should be arriving any minute.  
  
(Meanwhile,Mr.Krabbs is in his house with Pearl and Plainktin. They live in a big house in the Atlantic.)  
  
Pearl: I just don't understand, I left the recipe and money right where they told me too.  
  
Mr.Krabbs: don't worry dear, We'll get this all straightened out.  
  
Plainktin: Yes,don't worry. We'll find whoever has the money sooner or later.  
  
Mr.Krabbs: Ohh Plainktin, its so nice of ya to help us out with this. I'm so glad you aint after me recipe anymore and we can start bein' friends again.  
  
Plainktin: Of cource, what are friends for? The only question is, if I'm not after the recipe,who is? *his shell phone rings.* hold that thought while I take this call. Why don't you make a list of other people it could be.  
  
(he answers the phone and leaves the room and goes around the corner.)  
  
Plainktin: Hello?...WHAT!? *looks back to make sure Mr.Krabbs and Pearl didn't hear him.* *in a quieter voice.* what do you mean he's dead?....Jesus Christ. Allright look, I want you back here now. If they're coming to the Atlantic, I'll need you here,Marley. *hangs up and returns to the livingroom.*  
  
Pearl: Who was that, Plainktin?  
  
Plainktin: uhh, It was the police...they found some more evidence...theres nothing to worry about.  
  
Pearl: Oh.  
  
(Pat is driving and SB is fast asleep in the passangers seat. Pat looks really tired. He has circles under his eyes and is starting to swirve the van, driving over a sign or two, a fence and the old lady SB had tripped before. She is crossing the street with her cane and Pat,too tired to notice her keeps driving sending her flying in the air where she does and awkward backflip and lands on her ass. She curses and shakes her cane at him as he speeds away. Finally he notices the tank is almost empty and takes and exit to a gas station.)  
  
Pat: *shakes SB* Spongebob,..*SB keeps sleeping so Pat shakes him again* Spongebob!  
  
Spongebob: *sleeping* The sea monkey pulled down my pants.....*snore*  
  
Patrick:*frowns* SPONGEBOB!!!  
  
SB: *jumps* Wha!? What? I'm up. What's going on?  
  
Pat: Come on, I'll pump you pay.  
  
SB: *sighs and climbs out of the van. He starts walking into the store grumbling* Who does he think he is....waking me up when I was having a nice dream....  
  
Pat: *lifts the fin of the goldfish van,unscrews the lid and starts to fill the tank. A boat pulls up next to him and a beautiful athletic fish gets out. Patrick suddenly becomes awake. he notices a pair of skis in her boat.* Uhh....Skis, huh?  
  
Athletic Beauty(AB): Thats right.  
  
Pat: They yours?  
  
AB: *confused* Uh huh  
  
Pat: Both of 'em?  
  
AB: Uh, Yeah.  
  
Pat: *impressed* Cool.  
  
(SB is taking a leak in a stall when he notices some grafitti scrawled into the wall. He squints to read it:  
  
For a good time,be here on Sept.25 2:15 sharp.)  
  
SB: Dahaha! *looks at his watch just as it turns from 2:14 to 2:15. He then mumbles the months while counting on his fingers* ....June...July...August...Sep*gasps*  
  
(He hears the door swing open and heavy footsteps. He franticly locks the stall and sits on the toilet to hide his feet,biting his nails. the handle jiggles and then the door is kicked open by Sea-Bass. He looks surprised to see SB who just screams.)  
  
(Pat is still talking to the AB)  
  
Pat: Thats alot of luggage for one little trip.  
  
AB: Oh,well I'm moving to the Atlantic. I gotta get away from my boyfriend he's such a klutz! *laughs*  
  
pat: Uh huh huh huh! *as he laughs,he's spraying gas all over his leg.*  
  
AB: Uh,Scuse me, but you're spraying everywhere.  
  
Pat: Oh...whoops! *returns the nozle to the pump.*  
  
(He leans on her review mirror, breaking it off and falling to the ground. He gets it up and hands it to her.)  
  
Pat: H-here. Its a little loose.  
  
AB: Oh,thanks. *puts a cig in her mouth.*  
  
Pat: Wait.allow me. *pulls out some matches and lights it then throws match on the ground. We hear a dramatic Whoosh! as his hawian shorts egnight. Neither of them notice at first.* Hey...uh..I'm heading to the Atlantic myself. Maybe I could give you a call sometime.  
  
(By this time Pat notices the flames and tries to stamp them out which just fans them and causes them to grow.)  
  
AB: *hesitates* Sure why not? You seem harmless. Here,let me find a pen.  
  
Pat: Why don't you just tell it to me? I have a good memory...mostley. *for a second,he seems to forget he is on fire as he stands blankley staring into space. He soon remembers and tries to stamp out the flames again.*  
  
AB: K, well the number is 555-809...wait thats my old number. Isn't it funny how you....  
  
Pat: FOR GODS SAKE JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN NUMBER!!!  
  
AB: *annoyed* Listen, if your gonna get pushy,forget about it. *drives off*  
  
(Sea-Bass is pushing SB to the floor in the stall. Meanwhile Pat comes in the washroom,his foot still on fire. He kicks the door open,knocking Sea- Bass out, and sticks his foot in the toilet. He notices SB in the corner who's pointing to Sea-Bass.)  
  
Pat: What is it Spongebob? *turns around* Oh,Jesus!  
  
*goldfish van zooms past on the highway. Its still night.*  
  
*inside the van*  
  
SB: Look Patrick, I told you what happend. Just drop it.  
  
Pat: Ok...I will. I've forgotten already. What was so funny again?.....Oh ya! you and the 6 foot trucker...Uh huh huh huh!  
  
SB: SHUT UP, PATRICK!!!  
  
Pat: Ok ok......*is clearly thinking hard untill he remembers again.* .....Uh huh huh huh huh!  
  
SB: *steaming mad* Grrrr!  
  
Pat: *yawning* Hey Spongebob, you wanna take the wheel? I've been driving for 9 hours straight.  
  
SB: Yeah,ok. Pull into that station, we can switch there.  
  
Pat: I'm surprised you even wanna look at another gas station.  
  
SB: If you say one more word,one more!  
  
(They pull into another station. Spongebob goes in and in a few minutes comes out carrying a soda and some chips. He stops to talk to a bunch of young thug-ish looking fish who are dringing slurshies.)  
  
SB: Hey guys,Big Gulps eh?..Allright,...Well,see ya later.  
  
A/N: Hehehe, this is one of my other fave parts. But I can sooo see Spongebob saying that lol  
  
(Gets in the van.)  
  
SB: Hey Patrick, I brought you some beef jer...*realises Pat is fast asleep. He shakes his head as he puts the van into park and starts to drive.* Some people just weren't cut out for life on the road.  
  
*SB drives all night. At about 4:45, he comes to two exits. There's a sign in either direction reading: Atlantic ocean, 156 kl Indian ocean 8120 kl.  
  
While pushing the snoring Patrick,who has mad a pillow of his soft sponge- like head,he takes the Indian ocean exit. He drives some more untill daylight. We see him trying to get the last few drops of coffee from his styrafoam cup. He then throws it at the still sleeping Patrick who wakes up,startled.)  
  
SB: Morning Patrick. I was wondering when you were getting up.  
  
Pat: *rubs his eyes* How long was I out.  
  
SB: *yawning* Oh, about five hours.  
  
Pat:(noticing the still dessert-like land.) Huh. I would have expected the Atlantic ocean to be a little icier than this.  
  
SB: I was thinking the same thing.  
  
(Pat is now sitting in the sand,half of his ass crack is hanging out of his hawaian shorts.)  
  
SB: I'm a sponge Patrick,what do you expect. My head is made of air!  
  
(Patrick keeps sulking and ignores him.)  
  
SB: Come on,stop being such a baby! So we back tracked a tad.  
  
Pat: *Getting to his feet.* A TAD?? *moving toward SB who backs up.* a TAD Spongebob?? You drove us a third of the way across the ocean in the WRONG DIRECTION!!! And then I wonder why everyone thinks I'M the dumb one! Now we don't have enough money to get to the Atlantic,we don't have enough money to get home,we don't have enough money to eat,we don't have enough money to sleep!  
  
SB: Well sitting here whining about it isn't gonna get us anywhere. We're in a hole. We're just gonna have to dig our way out.  
  
Pat: You're right Spongebob. *starts hitch hiking down the road*  
  
SB: Where are you going?  
  
Pat: Home! I'm walking home!  
  
SB: *tears welling up in his eyes.* Oh,well pardon me MR.PERFECT!! I geuss I forgot that you never ever make a mistake. (sad music plays as they walk down the highway in the oposite direction)  
  
A/N: *sniffle sniffle* Spongebob and Patrick... this has gotta be the saddest break up since the Spice girls. Or at least the original Dumb and Dumber. *tear tear* ; ( Don't worry, the ending is more original 


	5. Reunited and in Atlantic at last

(Pat is walking down the high way,his thumb in the air in hopes of getting a ride home. He hears the loud 'buzz' of a small engine a few meters down the road. He looks back to See SB what apears to be a canoe with a small moter on the bow.)  
  
SB: Patrick! Patrick!*with a loud pop,he looses control of the canoe and it rolls over into the ditch. SB emurges from under it wearing riculously small helmet and face sheid which doesn't even reach his eye lashes. The helmet is a little crooked from the fall. He straightens it.* Got room for one more if you still wanna get to the Atlantic ocean.  
  
Pat: *unimpressed* Where did you find that?  
  
SB: Some kid traded me the this for the van straight up. I can get 25 miles to the gallon on this hog. *tips the canoe upright. *.  
  
Pat: You know Spongebob,just when I thought you couldn't possibly get any dumber,you go and do something like this.....and totally redeme yourself! *they high five*  
  
SB: Still wanna go to the Atlantic?  
  
Pat: Hell yeah,*gets in canoe*  
  
(They drive all day,they really seem to enjoy the ride as they hold up traffic and drive with no hands. Untill it starts to get cold and snowy. There are ice bergs over head. SB and Pat are starting to turn blue ass they shiver and chatter their teeth.)  
  
Pat: Sp-Spongeb-b-bob?  
  
SB: Y-y-yesss P-Patrick?  
  
Pat: I gotta...I gotta got t-t-t-to the b-b-bathroom.  
  
SB: Just g-g-go,man. *Pat pees in the boat*...thats actually warm.  
  
(They drive some more and pass a sign that read: Welcome to the Atlantic Ocean. (home of the sunken Titanic) They go into the town)  
  
SB:*turns off the engine. They both have snot-cilces hanging from their noses.* We're there!  
  
(They try to get up but thier feet apear to be stuck in the boat. It tips over with them still in it and we see some yellow ice in the bottom that has frozen around there ankles.)  
  
SB: Got a little nippy going through the pass....  
  
(They're walking down town.)  
  
Patrick: So Spongebob,how are we gonna find this Pearl?  
  
Spongebob: I know! We'll call her! *they stop at a payphone*  
  
PatricK: *picking up the phone* Whats her number?  
  
SB: I dunno.  
  
Pat: *looks annoyed* Well, whats her last name, I'll look it up.  
  
SB: Uhh... ya know, I don't recall....starts with an K though. Uhh....Klippert....Klappy...Kangaroo...Krabbs? Maybe?  
  
Pat: Why don't you check the brief case?  
  
SB: Oh yeah..*looks* Plainktin...I was way off. Hey, I know a guy named Plainktin...  
  
Pat: *skimmimg pages* I can't find it,Spongebob. I bet she's unlisted.  
  
SB: Great...  
  
SB and Pat are standing around a small fire near a lake. Patrick is turning a light shade of blue...and Spongebob is starting to look stiff like he's frozen.  
  
Pat: I can't f-f-feel my f-f-fingers n-no more, S-Spongebob... Th-They're numb!  
  
SB: Oh...maybe you should wear these extra mittens *takes off his red mittens and we see that he has another purple pair undernearth*  
  
Pat: E-Extra.... mittens? Y-you've... had extra mi-mittens all a-a-along?  
  
SB:*looks puzzled* Yeah....We're in the Atlantic ocean Patrick. *laughs*  
  
Pat:*looks angry* I-I-I-'m gonna...kill you.  
  
SB:*stops laughing* What?  
  
Pat: I'm gonna kill you Spongebob! *chases him around the picnic table.* I'm gonna kill you!*chokes SB*  
  
Spongebob: *screams* Patrick!...you're hands are freezing! *Patrick lets go and SB grabs a log and points it at him,Pat chuckles and goes towards the briefcase.*  
  
SB: Wh-what are you doing?  
  
Pat: *raises the briefcase over the lake* Something I should have done along time ago....  
  
SB:*eyes widen* NO!!!! *tackles Patrick* NO!!! Don't do it!!  
  
*they wrestle untill they notice the breifcase is open and tons of hundred dollar bills are exposed.* 


	6. Meeting Pearl

A/N: After seeing my all time favorite movie of all time..Dumb and DUmber today..I thought of this fic..and how I should update it.

(SB and Pat walk down the cold empty streets of the Adlantic ocean, SB clutching the brief case under his arm.)

SB: Ok..so heres the plan. We borrow enough money for a reasonable hotel and essensials.

Pat: Right, and everything we take we give back..down to the last penny.

SB: Thats what we're good for. It'l come right out of our first paychecks.

(Next scene, they're in a HUGE sweet with two king size beds,a bathroom, kitchen etc..)

Guy: This is the Hotel Danbury's Presidential Suite, gentlemen. It'snormally reserved for royalty,

visiting dignitaries, and illustriousstars of stage

SB: We'll take it!

(Next scene..a shiney red 'sports-marine' pulls up outside the hotel,and out step SB and Pat. Both dressed in expensive ski wear and carrying with them, at least ten shopping bags each.)

SB: (hands the chauffer a hundred dollar bill) There ya go.

Chauffer: Thank you sir.

SB: (hands one to the man holding open the submarine's door) There ya go!

man: Thank you sir.

SB: (hands one to Pat) There ya go.(Patrick puts it in his pocket.)

(Next scene, SB and Pat are laying on one of the king size beds crying dramatically over a Toyota commercial. They use dollar bills to wipe there tears and blow there noses.)

Pat: (after the commercial ends and a butler man comes in.)

Butler: I brought you your newspaper and some champagne, gentlemen. Unfortunately, we didn't seem to have the, um, label

you requested.

SB examines the champagne's label and frowns.

SB All out of Boone's Farm, huh?

Butler:You have a rapier wit, sir. I took the liberty of bringing a comparable

substitute: Dom Perignon.  
SB: I guess that'll do. stuffs a wad of 100's in the Butler's pocet.)

Butler: Thank you so much, sir. (leaves)

SB: Hmm..(picks up a newspaper) Aw!

Pat: Spongebob, are you ok?

SB: Patrick! Its Pearl! (reading) Pearl Krabbs. (looks at Pat) Krabbs...will..hawst..

Pat: Host

SB: Host..a new al..

Pat: Annual.

SB: Annual b-ball for..(squints at the paper) Tuh-he. Tuh-he...

Pat: The.

SB: (sighs and thrusts paper at Pat to read.)

Pat: The big one. International meeting at the Bubble Hall tommorow night.

SB: (gasps)

Pat: Well come on, Spongerella! We gotta get you ready for the ball!

(At a beauty Parlor..SB and Pat get madeover. Patrick gets a massage and shined with a buffer while SB gets his toe nails and nose hairs trimmed.  
At a Tailor shop, SB tries on some tuxedo square pants. Patrick doesn't agree with any of them and seemingley, niether does SB untill he comes bouncing out of the change room in a pink tuxedo (same colour as Patrick))

Pat: (stands up and claps) Yeah!

(At the ball..SB and Pat, who's wearing a yellow tux, step out of a limbo, carrying canes to match their tuxes. By the time they reach the door, they're already having a sword fight, but when SB notices people staring he lowers his cane.)

SB: Ok! Ok! ok...

Pat: (considering this a forfeit) Yes! Yes! YES!

(SB knocks off his top hat and once he picks it up, he winds up and smakcs SB in the back of the legs so hard that he falls to his knees.)

SB: OWWWWWWWWww!(gets up) TIME OUT!

(Planktin is standing at the door.)

Planktin: Scuse me Gentlemen..this is a 500 plate dinner.. Good night.

SB: Why if it isnt Mr. Planktin! Mr.Krabbs must be here too huh? Well, Mr.Planktin..you can put us down for 4. (stuffs about 20 000 in his pocket.) In case we want seconds! (takes out a breath spray and without noticing the nosle pointed at Plaintin, sprays it in his eyes.)

(Marley comes over to Plainktin after they leave.)

Marley: Holy shit..its them!

Plainktin: Them who?

Marley: THEM the guy's who whacked Butch!

Plainktin: Spongebob? Spongebob killed Butch? He's the one we've been looking for? But he's just a lowley fry cook!

Marley: Well apparentley, he's got skill.

(SB and Pat are at the bar.)

Plainktin:If I could have your attention,

please (The crowd quiets) I'd like to thank you all for coming to this very special event. As you

know, the Adlantic Preservation Society -founded and chiefly funded by ourgreat benefactor, Mr.Krabbs - is the world's foremost

owner of the fast food chain..Chum Bucket. These sprawling grounds are home to twenty-three separate varieties of animals

that are currently listed on the United Nation's charter of protected

species. Tonight, we are deeply honored to have Mr. Karl Krabbs welcome our twenty-fourth.

The crowd CLAPS as Mr. Krabbs takes Painktin's place at the podium.

Mr.Krabbs: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the...Icelandic Snow Jelly fish.

(pulls off the curtains revealing 2 white and glowing jelly fish) These two jelly fish are here today to begin our new generation of delicate and rare breeded Krabby Patties.

(Back at the bar)

SB: could I get some cashews please.

Bartender places a plate of cashews on the bar as SB chugs a martinni.

SB: (hands him the empty glass.) and another one of those, please.

Pat: Spongebob, would you calm down..i've never seen you so nervous.

SB: Right..I'm gonna go talk to her now. (doesnt move)

Pat: I thought you were going.

SB: Oh Patrick, I can't! She's gonna think I'm some kinda psyco when she finds out how far I can just to see her!

Pat: You know what you have? Her brief case! She's gonna be thrilled to see you!

SB: And then what? She'll take it back

and that'll be it. I'm a nobody.

Pat: Look, man, you just drove two thousand miles to see this whale.

Don't quit on the last fifty feet.

SB: Wait a second, I have an idea. You go over and introduce yourself. That way you can build me up so when I

come along I won't have to brag about myself. Tell her I'm good-looking

and I'm rich and I have a rapist's

wit.

Pat: I dunno Spongebob...

Spongebob: Please! pleeassse! pleeease! (bounces impatientley)

Pat: alrite, alright! Stop that!...what are you gonna do?

SB: I'm gonna hang by the bar..set the vibe.

(Pat nodds and then heads over to Pearl)

Pat: Nice set of hooters you got there

Pearl :(looks shocked) I beg your pardon!

Pat: Uh..jellyfish. I mean jellyfish!

Pearl: (lightens up a little) Oh...Are you a pet lover?

Pat: Me? Oh, no. Well!..We use to have a snail..but now I work with goldfish.

Pearl: How are you involved with them?

Pat: Oh..you know I bath them, train them..I've even bred them.

Pearl: Oh really? Any unusual breedings?

Pat: No, mostley just guppie style.

(Mr.Krabbs comes over)  
Mr.Krabbs: Pearl, darling. You havent introduced me to yer friend.

Pearl: Well..we havent really been properley introduced.

Pat: I'm Patrick Star, sir. don't you remember me?

Mr.Krabbs: Err..no, not really...Say I've been meaning to talk to you since I saw you come in.

Pat: Really?

Mr.Krabb: The tuxedos are halarious!

Pat: Oh..huh huh huh!

Mr.Krabbs: We loves any star with a sense of humour, dont we Pearl?

Pearl: Uh..sure.

Mr.Krabbs: And I think me Pearl was looking fer sumone to hit the slopes with tommorow.

Pearl: Daddy..

Mr.Pearl: Well ya are, aint'cha? Getting outside will do ya good.

Pat:Well..uh, I dunno (motions to Spongebob) My friend..

Mr.Krabbs: Oh forget about your friend for one day.

Pat: Umm..see I dont really think..uhh..Sure! what time? 


End file.
